I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
