Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
