at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
