You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
