She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
