So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
