Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
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