So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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