Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
