She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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