Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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