i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
