I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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