I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
