I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
