Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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