In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
