I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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