and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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