The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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