sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
