I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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