Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
