I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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