Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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