I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize