just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
