omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
