I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
