it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
