why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
