so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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