You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He passed out mid-signature
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
