I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize