After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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