The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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