Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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