I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
