Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
