All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
