ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
