i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
