in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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