you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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