your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
