you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Randomize
