I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Please, let me fuck your mom
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
