You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
