so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize