Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
