I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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