And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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