I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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