if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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