captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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