Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
third nipple confirmed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
