Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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