I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
