Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
