Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
