Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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