Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
