Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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