my sisters under your porch take her home
Life is so much better after having sex.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
