you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
