Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You pole danced in your parka.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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