my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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