you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
this hospital has no fireball
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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