No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
