She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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