I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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