she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
