Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
