the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
