its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize