So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
