you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
