I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
