omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She announced her abortion via fbk
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize