Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just want to make out with him forever
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
