I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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