you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
