so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
