just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
