Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
