im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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