I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
