You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
