It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
