you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize