i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
