I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Drunk is not a location!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize