Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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