you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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