When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize