Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
