No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
