I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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