He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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