I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize