Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
