I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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