i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My ATM looks so different sober.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
