my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
