i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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