i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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